The fact was I didn’t know why I was experiencing symptoms that even the team of specialists who were treating me found baffling. At one point, I had at least one or more specialists for each of the symptoms I was experiencing and there were quite a few. I was sent from one specialist to another and from one second opinion to another. I know anyone reading this might wonder what these mystery symptoms were and whether this whole thing wasn’t some sort of psychosomatic condition that was all in my head. I assure you not and certainly the specialists who were treating me didn’t think so because from some of the battery of tests I took there was clear evidence of something amiss but they just couldn’t determine an underlying cause that could have prompted the severity of the symptoms I experience and why they remained unresolved.
I felt like a guinea pig and for the first two years I (or rather my seemingly alien body) continued to present with a variety of ever changing symptoms with different levels of severity. It got to a point where I lost my sense of balance and became unable to maintain a steady gait as I constantly felt severely dizzy like I was being spun around endlessly in a tumble dryer that couldn’t stop. I had to see a specialist for this condition as for all the other symptoms I continued to experience; and for which I underwent further tests and had to have periodic changes to all sorts of prescriptions I had to take at the time. I felt like a wreck and it was no wonder that I my thought processes were a sum total of how I felt.
As a result of my situation,I got tested for everything imaginable and continued to get tested at very regular intervals to monitor my condition(s)! The variety of symptoms I experienced, the different medications I had to take in order to live with some semblance of ‘normality’ and the adverse side effects caused by some of the medications made life just that bit worse. It all seemed to constitute the stuff of which Nigerian nolly wood movies were made of, constantly riddled with hyper-drama, intrigue and a plot that even demons would rub their hands in gleeful mischief at. The fact that despite having access to the best medical attention my symptoms were not fully understood filled me with absolute dread and the fear that I was certainly dying slowly! I’ve always thought myself as fearless and courageous to a degree but when faced with the possibility that all this was some sort of a preamble to death, I realized I was definitely not that brave and certainly not fearless!I was filled with an inner terror that in itself was a destructive illness all on its own.So, I was now living not just with the torment of my actual ill-health situation but also with the torment of the fear of dying.
I realized in those moments that the ability to face and accept death does actually require a kind of courage. I’ve often heard people express that the act of suicide is cowardly. I beg to differ. It’s not cowardly at all, just a distorted kind of courage fueled by the worst sense of hopelessness and emptiness that anyone could ever possibly feel. It drives them to the very brink of wanting to self-destruct as a way of escaping from a life they feel they can no longer face and so much so that the very thought of living one more day is unbearable to them. It’s scary to acknowledge that for many, life can dole out so much of an onslaught that they are left to feel defenseless and so hopeless that they seek death as an outlet rather than using the ‘courage’ they have in seeking death to fighting to stay alive in-spite of whatever life may confront them with. I appreciate issues like this are easier written or spoken about but never quite as cut out and dried as they often appear. I don’t have any answers other than to reflect on how I dealt with my own experience which is that during this period, I came to a deeper and more perhaps more empathetic understanding of the way the human mind, its defenses and its perceptions could be battered to the point of being driven to think or wish the unthinkable.
So yes there were times when I felt so tormented by my debilitating symptoms, so ill, so filled with despair that I did wish for a painless death. That I would sleep and just not wake up became a real desire for me on some days. I didn’t feel like I had any more reserves of strength or courage to face a death that came with further suffering, so if it was going to come, I would rather it came painlessly or without my realizing. Yet, for all this internal churn I never outwardly gave away how scared or helpless I felt. Rather, I attempted to put on a facade of stoic faith while inwardly gripped by my inner fears.For a long time my symptoms didn’t improve but instead worsened over the months and much worse than I could ever have imagined even for a nightmare!I continued to be tested for all sorts of diseases, conditions, infections and cancers which all came back negative.For the benefit of any non-Africans readers I’ll refrain from delving into the rather spiritual connotations that are often linked to these sorts of puzzling health condition but from an African perspective this was looking too sinister to be overlooked!
In order to tackle something that to all intents and purposes was now a mystifying illness turned chronic. I had to turn to the church for help and to apply a deeper understanding of my Christian faith from an African (as opposed to a simplistic Western) perspective. I guess the fact that the tests proved mainly negative should have given me some relief.Instead I became even more alarmed as I feared my illness was surely due to some even more malevolent health condition yet unknown to medical science!I wasn’t ready to die but felt I was surely on my way there! I was youngish, had a young son to raise and a life ahead of me to live to its fullest. This mini-theater of macabre fear and horror continued to play out in my head. Often I look back in the realization that fear alone could have killed me even before my horrible symptoms ever did.
To come back to the reasons for this site; well after almost five years of struggling to regain my full health, I was indeed blessed to eventually overcome what at the time had seemed rather insurmountable.That’s another story for another blog piece sometime soon. Perhaps it shall be entitled: ‘Living in the Valley of Death’s Shadows’ or something melodramatic like that!What I learned about myself and about achieving health through a more holistic approach as a lifestyle choice, has infused me with a passion for the continued pursuit of good health. In the years since my gradual recovery, I became keenly interested in the practice and pursuit of holistic health concepts which I extensively researched and tested myself. I became much more exposed to the immense benefits that alternative and holistic health practice does offer.
Thanks to the traumas of my past experience, I’ve been reborn as a holistic health evangelist but in the nicest possible way – I would hope! The purpose of this site is purely to share health-related information on a wide range health issues that can benefit us all. Over the past six years I’ve devoted myself to avidly researching as much as I can on holistic healing, its concepts and remedies and I have often used myself as a guinea pig to test the effectiveness of many of these health concepts. I would love to share my thoughts and experiences with you and to also encourage awareness of some of these concepts. Maybe you could share some of yours with me. I’d be delighted! I think many will agree that a holistic approach to health provides the best safeguards against developing serious or chronic health problems in our future. My recovery happened not from the piles of prescription medications I was forced to take in order to keep my symptoms in check. Instead,my total recovery though gradual, happened when in desperation I turned to more holistic concepts I had come across through my feverish research. I decided I had nothing to lose in trying out a completely different regime that had holistic principles and approach at the core. I also firmly believe that my fervent prayers and those of others close to me as well as the aggressive faith of a persistent church family steered me towards this new path that ultimately was the one through which I regained my full health.
My illness which on account of its persistently baffling symptoms had eluded any form of diagnosis was finally deemed by the team of specialists attending to me, to be idiopathic in nature, meaning that they stemmed from no known cause and were certainly not hereditary. This is why I am so passionate about holistic healing and its pursuits. It provided me an escape route back to recovery and as a result of that experience I decided that I would live as much of a health-conscious life as I could and from a more holistic perspective than ever before.I don’t consider myself a health-conscious freak. I am just sensibly health-conscious with periodic lapses from time to time which I thankfully have become disciplined enough to ensure that I balance out with corrective health interventions whenever I do deviate. In the very early stages of my recovery and as if I couldn’t quite believe that for the first time in almost five years I was beginning to get my life back, I was paranoid about sticking to my fussy health regimes. I was very legalistic about observing health do’s and don’t simply because I guess deep down I was terrified of a relapse.I have gradually become more relaxed over the years and have learn to be more moderate in my approach. So while I am still passionate about keeping healthy, thankfully I am a lot less rigid about my health habits and pursuits.
Because holistic pursuits have become a way of life for me rather than something I feel a compulsion to observe, I find it easier to stick with certain principles of eating, exercising and lifestyle choices. It’s that simple and this principle works in every area of my life. But after all is said and done, one thing I realize about life’s unpredictability is that nothing in life offers any guarantee except the guarantee of death. Sorry to sound so morbid, I am not trying to be but it’s just that one can do everything to live and stay healthy and still succumb to some terrifying illness or debilitating disease. Living a healthy life offers no guarantees that one won’t get ill or die in the process of trying to live as healthy a life as one can.
So, knowing this, I try not to take things too seriously though I still think we owe it to ourselves and our loved ones to do everything we can to give ourselves a fighting chance at maintaining good health and increasing the chances of longevity.Living a healthy life does offer several benefits (with absolutely no side-effects) and one of the benefits is a higher chance of longevity. The rest is left to the unknown. Life indeed is mysterious. In the process of writing this piece, I lost a young friend of mine less to cancer.She was a medical doctor,inspired and very passionate about health yet succumbed to a most aggressive form of cancer that she battled so courageously until the very end. So despite all of life’ silly ironies and conundrums, we soldier on by ensuring we offer ourselves the best chances of keeping healthy and disease-free as we journey from youth through maturity and into old age. I personally couldn’t have gone through my own harrowing ill-health episode only to emerge with the same outlook on life as I’d had prior to this experience. I changed, my life changed, my whole perspective on life changed as did my life priorities and this is what fuels and drives the passion in me.
Having dedicated these past few years to holistic health research and pursuits,I am by no means a qualified holistic practitioner yet.The only qualifications I’ve got are my experience and my passion. With a small but supportive team, I am however constantly working behind the scenes,researching some of the most potent and up-to-date information on health, immunity, disease-prevention, anti-aging and other health categories for yours and my benefit. Being the typical female wanting to cling on to the apron-strings of eternal youth and immortality (if that were possible!), I am an absolute fantastic) of anti-aging concepts, so in the months ahead, I will be sharing with you, some of these anti-aging secrets (or maybe not so secret). I can assure you it’s not all about expensive jars! Keep an eye open for updates. The much I can say for now is that it is absolutely possible to age backwards! You just need to know how to! I accept we shall all die sometime, hopefully at the age of 99 with all teeth and mental faculties intact and assuming of course that most would wish to live that long. Yes, I certainly do believe that for an increasingly longer period of time,we can continue to age backwards even as we get older numerically-speaking. That’s a really exciting prospect – for me anyway!
Feel free to drop me a few lines if you have any feedback, comments or suggestions on health topics you would like to see featured on the site. In the coming months I shall be featuring a variety of interesting experts in their different areas of holistic health practice and I am currently working on some of these as the logistics and planning can take some time.
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Always passionate about your health & mine,